I was just your typical Catholic for the most part. I went to church, I prayed sometimes, and I did a few church activities.
I was the worst kind of Catholic there is: a luke warm Catholic.
That changed halfway through my senior year. I decided to read a book. I don’t know the name of it, or what it was really about, it didn’t even have to do with the Catholic faith, but it was somewhat a religious book... One day out of the blue I picked it off the coffee table and started reading.
I had not read a book freely for years, the only time I read was for school. I finished the book and God used that book to start a flame within me.
I had a new desire to be a better Catholic. I started praying more, started considering becoming a priest or brother. Something inside me just changed that I can’t explain because it was not of me but, at the same time, I also didn’t feel different.
Looking back I can see just how much the Lord has changed me, not just from that moment, but my entire life.
But also looking back, I do not ever remember feeling changed. I had my highs when I felt great and felt strong in my faith, but most the time I felt nothing. I felt like I did before like nothing changed and I struggled a lot in my faith.
This is the greatest testimony I can give.
The greatest change did not happen at once, it has happened without me knowing. The Holy Spirit works deep within us beyond our awareness to change us, and sometimes we don’t know where we are in terms of the Holy Spirit or how the Holy Spirit is working in us, but slowly we are changed and begin to surrender to God.
It is the little things that matter, the change that is happening within you even when you can’t feel it.
So what I am trying to say is never give up. Even when you don’t feel anything and you are struggling, push on and trust in the Lord. He uses our struggles and brokenness to make us stronger because the more broken we are the more he shines through.