For about the past year, I really felt that I was falling in and out of my faith life. You see,
I knew that God has a plan for me -- like he does for each one of us -- and all I really wanted to do is follow his plan and not stray from this straight and narrow path, but this became something that I put into a box and set off to the side. I only took out and used it occasionally, just when I thought I had time for it. I was fitting God into my schedule rather than letting him create my schedule. I was in control. I became a very irritable and angry person. (Just ask my family). I let every little thing that someone did, and just about anything that went the slightest bit wrong get under my skin and put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. I was emotionally unstable, and I found myself crying so many times, thinking “What am I doing?”, “I’m not good enough, people deserve better than me”.
I realized this about a month ago, that I put God into a box because I was afraid to give
up the control over my life and let God take me where he needed me. I put God into a box and yet ... I was waiting on a large, miraculous epiphany that would change my life forever . Let me tell you now, the rest of this is not about a large, miraculous epiphany that I experienced, but it is about the hope that I found when I realized it’s not always about the large miracles that we pray and wait for, because that’s not how God will always deliver. But more often than not it’s
through the small things that we can find faith in. I was too blinded by the world, and my search for this faith, that I thought was absent in my life, to see all of the wonderful little things that God had placed in my life and blessed me with.
A really good example of this would be that I have been and currently am still struggling
to answer the question of where I am going to college and what I will be majoring in next year. I understand that it is not my decision but one that I must make with God. Here is where I get caught. I have been praying and asking for an answer. But it seemingly never comes, i’m afraid that I am not very good at picking up on God’s hints. I was stuck waiting on God to specifically tell me one college and major that was meant for me. Many times I have received the words to
not worry but to trust and be patient because he has something planned for me. So now I know there is something great coming for me, but can’t help but wonder when. I have come to realize that I might not be getting one direct answer, but I am receiving the pieces to this answer.
God has given me many people in my life that will always be there for me to help me
make this decision. They are my blessings. God has given me the ability to achieve a high ACT score and good grades so that I can get into the college of my choice. That is a blessing. God has given me opportunities to have wonderful visits to these colleges to see what each of them are about and have to offer. That is a blessing. God has given me the opportunity to talk to the volleyball coaches at a few of these colleges. That is a blessing. God has given me this prayer
group and my prayer life to discover more and more of who I am through God’s eyes and where I am meant to go. This prayer group, and everyone here is a blessing. All of these things may seem to be typical, not a blessing but rather just a part of life. My goal is to look past society's view of this world, and to see it as God wants me to. Many blessings. SO, although I may be stuck now, I will continue to try to piece together the puzzle that God is giving me the pieces to, I am confident that over time I will be provided with every piece that I need.